Feels Like Home
by freiheitfuehlen
Summary: An anonymous reviewer requested I write something lighter – or well tragic with the hope of a happy ending. So here we go. Will and Alicia on New Year's Eve working...and finally talking about the issues between them.  WILL/ALICIA


**A/N: **An anonymous reviewer requested I write something lighter – or well tragic with the hope of a happy ending. So here we go. This is me writing _happy_, just so you know. Read and review, please. It means a lot to me to know whether or not you liked it.

**Feels Like Home**

"_I know it's gonna take some time for you to feel that it's all right."_

The fast, rhythmic sounds of typing, the late nights, the horrendous amounts of coffee and the weekends, filled with heavy loads of work, had gradually engulfed the mere spare time Alicia still sacred – to be spent with her children.

The clock was ticking – the way it always was, counting down the minutes on another person's fate. Twenty minutes left to introduce, argue and conclude an appeal for Jeremy Waynes – alleged murderer of three women.

If Alicia had not been so busy with thinking and typing she would have laughed out in sheer irony. Certainly if asked a year ago where she thought she would be on New Year's Eve 2011 she would most likely have claimed any place but at Lockhardt/Gardner's.

She brought a cup of coffee to her lips, letting the dark brown liquid run down her throat and settling in her stomach in a frail attempt to wash down the guilt she felt. It had been a rough year on her children and Alicia wished that she could be more, do more, and achieve more to keep Grace and Zach safe for a little while longer; after all adulthood would come early enough with the hardship and constant disappointments it entailed.

She sighed, closed her eyes briefly and vowed to call them after midnight. It was the least Alicia could do, she thought.

"How's it coming along," Diane asked as she stepped over the threshold. Diane came closer to Alicia and looked over her shoulder to assure herself of the progress this appeal was making.

"Good," Alicia said nervously. The relationship between Diane and her had become closer, albeit awkward and strenuous. Alicia suspected that Diane had found out about Will and her – and the shred that was left of their former union.

"I'll probably need another five minutes and then I'll send it over."

Diane nodded her head in appreciation and added curtly, "Good."

She smiled at Alicia briefly, turned around and walked out of the office, leaving behind a woman – torn, restless and doubting.

All Alicia saw now were not the words she was supposed to write down, it was merely black and white. Diane's dress, black as the night, seemed oddly fitting for the end of a year which had brought them a lot of grief and chaos, although Alicia admitted they had come out of this situation – situations, really; stronger and braver than before. In stark contrast shone the pearl earrings Diane had chosen to wear. Pearls were for the innocent and all of them – Alicia included herself, were a lot of things but innocent were certainly none of them.

She briefly saw Will walking by in jeans and a dark blue shirt, a sure indicator that he had been called in to work suddenly, too – from which occasion Alicia did not know and liked to dismiss for the sake of her sanity. She turned her head back to the computer screen but when she wanted to continue writing the appeal a conversation she had had with her brother made it to the forefront of her mind.

"_Are you happy," Owen asked in a soft whisper, holding his sister in his arms and placing a tender kiss on her forehead._

_Alicia remained silent for a few moments, contemplating her words. She was happy in some way. She was happy that her children were healthy and apparently only lightly affected by their parents' separation. She was happy that she still had work and that the atmosphere there was only slightly uncomfortable – on most days. Alicia hated self-pity and the yearning for empathy. She had more happiness in her life than most other people and she was grateful for it._

"_Yes," Alicia replied just as softly and merely above a whisper. She was unable to speak out, afraid that her voice might betray her words._

"_Do you love him," Owen inquired further, bringing one of his hands down to hers and entwining his fingers with Alicia's. The way he said 'him' left no room for interpretation, Alicia noticed; Will was the one Owen asked about._

_Love was about trust and faith. Even if Alicia tried very hard it was not something she had in her at the moment. The last year had left her with too many wounds which were still leaking blood. No, Alicia admitted sadly, she did not love Will but she also knew that she was hopelessly in love with him and maybe could someday even love him. She prayed for time to really heal all wounds; at least for once._

"_No."_

_After all the truth was more than a five-letter word._

Alicia was startled out of her reverie when her cell phone started ringing. She grabbed it quickly without checking caller ID.

"Hello."

"Hey Mom, it's Grace. I just wanted to hear how you're doing. Zach said not to call but I thought it'd be nice."

Her daughter sounded chipper. They probably had had lemon cupcakes for dessert; her favorites. And by now they were sitting on the couch waiting for the ball to drop on Times Square, Alicia supposed. She felt guilty to deprive her children of their mother's presence on one more occasion than she already had. But when her daughter continued with laughter and joy simmering through her voice it helped ease the guilt in her chest.

"I gotta go. It's almost time but I just wanted to say I love you. You're a great Mom."

Alicia smiled and replied happily, "I love you, too. Both of you. So much. Bye, Grace. Have a great time."

Grace was quiet for the beat of a second, almost as if she was collecting the courage to say something she had held back for a while.

"Mom. I want you to be happy again in 2012. And…." Alicia heard Grace's feet shuffling over the hardwood floor in Peter's apartment. When she heard a door close, Alicia assumed, Grace must have entered the bathroom. When Alicia heard Grace speak again, her voice sounded sincere and soft.

"And if Will makes you happy, Mom, than that's okay with me. Okay, Mom?"

It sounded like a plea and it almost broke Alicia's heart; and at the same time it left Alicia with pride – at raising such great kids, and a yearning desire to hug her daughter and kiss her forehead.

"Okay," Alicia replied gently.

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too. Grace. Bye."

Alicia pressed the end button and leaned back in her chair, staring blankly at her phone and contemplating her daughter's words.

Someone knocked on the door frame of her office and when Alicia looked up she saw Will. He smiled softly while holding two glasses and a bottle of champagne in his hands.

"Can I come in," he asked uncertainly with a slightly crooked smile on his lips.

"Of course," Alicia replied friendly and gesturing with her hands for him to sit down in the chair next to her desk.

"I just need to finish this quickly it's…" But Alicia was interrupted by Will.

"I already did." He said and sat down on the chair.

He looked at her in this unique way of his – comforting, trusting and supporting, it made her heart beat rapidly in her chest and brought a genuine smile to her lips. Apart from the turmoil they had both created over the last months he had always been a friend – and a good one at that. So Alicia leaned forward, grabbed the bottle from his hands, letting her fingers softly touch his and stood up to open the bottle.

"Let me do this," Alicia joked in amusement, "Or don't you remember the last time you opened a champagne bottle? I sure do. It cost me 300$ and my favorite dress."

Will hung his head in mock shame and when he looked up he beamed.

"End of first year. You did outstanding on all of your exams."

Will lost himself in old memories and Alicia noticed that his eyes became a little foggier and his gaze seemed distant, collecting treasures from their past; relicts of a different time.

"We both did." She smiled and cracked the bottle open. When some of the expensive beverage started bubbling out of its bottle she laughed whole-heartedly and brought her mouth to its opening to keep some of the liquid from spilling onto the floor of her office.

Will laughed at Alicia's apparent lack of grace in opening the bottle herself, especially after her jokes at his own inability to do so.

"You're one to talk," Will smirked and handed her the two empty glasses to be filled with champagne.

Alicia filled them both quickly. Then she put the bottle on her desk and took one of the glasses from Will's outstretched hand. She smiled, clinked her glass with his and said sincerely, "I missed this."

"Me, too," Will replied just as sincerely and when he took a sip it tasted indescribably refreshing; almost as if it held the ability to wash away the awkwardness and uncertainty which had dominated their relationship in the last couple of weeks.

Alicia had missed exactly this; the easy banter, the seemingly limitless gratitude to be in each other's presence and the comfortable silence. Being around Will left her calm and secure in a life that had been turned upside down and inside out. If Alicia was honest with herself she would also admit that being in someone's company who simply adored her decreased the pain of marital deception. It was selfish, Alicia knew, but she wanted to give that feeling back, wanted so desperately to be able to give love back someday. She just hoped that Will understood that her trying was as much as she was able to give at this moment in time.

"Do you ever think about it," He paused shortly, fixing her eyes with his, "About what could have been? If you had chosen me over Peter?"

"No. I mean." Alicia sighed audibly, holding tightly onto her glass in an attempt to find some stability; emotionally she was all over the place; and had been since the first time she had kissed Will in his office. "I can't." She pleaded. "I have kids. I can't think about what could have been."

Will nodded and took a sip from his glass. "I guess…"

This time it was Will who was interrupted but when he heard her voice and understood what she was saying it did not matter at all that he did not get to express his thoughts.

"Will. I can't think about what could have been. I'm a mother. But I can think about what could be."

They stood there quietly, possibilities flying through the room like fireworks. Will looked at her so intensely, sternly even; almost as if he did not believe in the chance he had been served by none other than her. His gaze sent shivers down her back – in the same way it had done many times before. But he did not move. Will dared her to take the first step, quietly and patiently. He had put himself out there several times already, leaving him with nothing but a yearning desire for what he assumed was never his to have – to cherish.

She stepped cautiously forward, one step at a time and never averting her eyes. She needed to see the love in his eyes, to feel his desire on her skin as it burned marks in her flesh. She reached for his forearm and just when she touched it tenderly Caitlin walked into the room with a glass of champagne in her hand and obviously already drunk.

"Happy New Year!" She exclaimed cheerily hugging both of them quickly before walking towards the door. She halted once more in the threshold, turned around and said with a radiant smile on her lips.

"We're all heading over to Hemingway's, come join us!"

Alicia was too stunned to react at first but then she heard Will's reassurances that they would later join the group of co-workers she turned her head to look at clock on the wall. It was indeed already 2012.

12.09am

"Do you want to go there," Will asked hesitantly, giving her an option to retrieve; to delay this conversation and return to way things were, albeit supposing that maybe there was no such thing as normalcy between them anymore.

"No," Alicia replied softly, taking her glass and drinking some of the champagne that was still left. "I want to make a plan."

Will stepped forward, clinking his glass with hers and said happily – for the first time since he had last kissed her beautiful red lips, "Let's make a plan."

Then he kissed her – chastely and almost painfully slowly, and all he could think about with his lips on hers was that it tasted like the beginning of a new era; finally their timing seemed right.

The end.


End file.
